Alvin and the Chipmunks are playing LIVE in my backyard (“Yippee!”…tinged with a hint of sarcasm)

¿Que Pasa?

Back from break: Not like it was any surprise, but when I opened up my house after coming back from vacation I found several dead rats strewn across my floor. Nothing that a broom and a little bleach won’t fix!

Another moment of feeling totally ridiculous: Oh the head lamp is a wondrous thing (thanks again Whit). What is a head lamp exactly; well to put it simply it’s a hands free devise that straps a flashlight onto the wearer’s forehead. It sheds light upon things that I once awkwardly stumbled over, while simultaneously making me look like a total idiot/miner searching for gold. The good news is I have fewer bruises; the bad news is my neighbors mistook me for some kind of ghostlike apparition…BOO!

Music of the moment: The always popular Celine Dion “My Heat Will Go On,” from titanic (maybe it’s finally time to let go of Jack).

Insightful thought (which consequently lacks insight, and therefore is merely a thought): Looking back, the month of Diciembre (December, in case that was unclear) was speckled with fiesta after fiesta...it started with La Purisima celebrated on Dic. 7 followed by el Dia de Guadalupe and concluded with a brief trip back to the United States where I rang in the nuevo ano (new year) with friends and family.

My neighbor came over to my house with fresh coconut and a pot of white beans (which are rare because Nicas always eat red kidney beans). She asked me a simple question, “Do you like these (as she pointed her nose towards the pot).” Like a dimwit, I responded, “I don’t know? What kind of beans are they?” She looked at me… and then looked at the pot…then looked at me again, and responded curtly, “White Beans.” I answered with a quick “oh, yes” (as I felt the stupidity swell up inside of me). Her eyes gave it all away because I knew immediately that she was thinking: you nincompoop, what do these look like… they are white things shaped in the form of a bean. Later that night I ate my frijoles blanco (white beans) with a few chilies, red peppers and onions thrown in the mix (I call it white bean chili, I know… original). And for the record, I knew they were white beans, I was simply making an inquiry into what variety of white beans they were…and I still haven’t found out, because I am afraid to ask my stupid question again!

What happens when a virus is transferred from a local internet café onto a perfectly reliable computer?? It wreaks havoc destroying all music and photo files one by one before finally finishing off the computer by flashing the ominous ERROR 11 warning. Unfortunately, I know this warning all too well because my computer was attacked by the deadly internet café virus…and was accordingly shut down. On a good note, I was headed back to the U.S. in 1 weeks time…land of computer geeks galore. The end of the story is that my computer was out of commission for most of December (hence the lack of blogging) but now it is up and running again. Be forewarned…always scan flash drives before transferring data from a café onto a personal computer…

My counterpart and I at a fiesta

About a month ago, I was on a bus headed back to my town and a lady (who also happened to be from my town) plopped down in the seat beside me. We were talking for a while and as we drew nearer to our town I remembered that I needed to buy some cheese to accompany my dinner for that night. However, as the sun had already set and the moon could now be clearly seen overhead, I was faced with a predicament…who sells cheese this late at night? I know, extreme crisis! As a momentary panic set-in, shortness of breath included, I asked the woman next to me if she knew of any cheese vender that stayed open this late. She looked at me (seeing the pain in my eyes due to lack of really salty cheese) and respond “Si, claro.” As we exited the bus she beckoned me to follow her (using the popular shoo-away hand gesture…which I refer to in an earlier blog accompanied with an easy to follow picture diagram). I quickly stood up from the sticky plastic vinyl bus seat, which always manages to leave unsightly crinkle lines on the back of my legs. I stayed by her side as we approached the house of cheese and she shouted in “Hay queso fresco?” (is there fresh cheese?). I held my breath for the response, and then it came, “Como?” (“What?”). Apparently the T.V. was up too loud, and the family inside didn’t hear the question. As my companion shouted again “Hay, queso?” I impatiently waited for an affirmative response, and finally it came, those lovely words that I wanted to hear “Si, hay queso” (yes, there is cheese). I hurriedly bought 10 cords worth of cheese (or approx. 50 cents worth) and started my walk home (of course not before graciously thanking the women who led me to the cheese vendor). Dinner was splendid, rice and beans with a side of really salty (but fresh) cheese.

I have been in Nicaragua now for 9 months, and this longevity has enabled me to subsequently distinguish and clearly identify certain sounds that when I first arrived in-country seemed to be just background noise. But now I see that they represent certain cultural aspects of Nicaragua that are unique and intriguing. I will now proceed to describe the noises I hear and although I cannot post clips…I implore the reader to use their wondrous imagination to conger up the sounds! Every morning at 4am the “noise” starts, and no it’s not just noise, it’s in fact a CD. A very popular CD, that happens to be played at every child’s birthday party I have ever attended. I call the CD “Jammin’Jams to listen to while eating corn flavored birthday cake and watching children practically maul one another over small pieces of candy that are flying out of a Strawberry Shortcake shaped piñata.” If this title is a bit confusing, I will try to break it down another level. At piñata parties there is inevitably a piñata shaped as popular cartoon character (chica fresa aka strawberry shortcake seems to be pretty popular right now on the party scene). Also, after the kids swing at the piñata and dance the traditional piñata dance (that involves clapping and twirling…far too complicated for me to perform…I am still searching for my inner-rhythm to emerge triumphantly). Finally, cake made with corn flour is served to all the guests. Now note that while all of these things are taking place a CD filled with 22 tracks of birthday songs (including tracks from The New Kids on The Block, which was a popular 80’s boy band group, and ever so popular Simon and the Chipmunks). Yet, the scariest solo rendition of happy birthday is sung by a man with a deep tenor voice, who pronounces Happy Birthday as Happy BIRDday. Now I can tolerate this CD at kids parties but my neighbors apparently really love the birthday songs and they insist on playing this CD EVERY morning (starting at 4am) until around 11am. Yep, the “Birthday Remix CD” is played on full blast EVERY morning. And as much as I like waking up to Simon and the Chipmunks singing their remix of the classic happy birthday song, I would much rather wake up to…well, silence…yes, silence would be wonderful. I am curious as to what CD the neighbor’s play during fiestas, because it seems like they would want to switch it up once in a while! The next noise that I am now able to recognize on a whim is the sound of the “Giant Tall Things.” I need a photo to accurately depict their true size/appearance, but I will briefly describe the costumes: There is a person that stands under a large giant woman costume (complete with a head made out of newspaper and painted into the likeness of “a woman” and a large rippling skirt made of various colorful fabrics, which acts to hide the person underneath that is touting the giant woman doll). I would venture to guess that the giant tall thing stands about 10 feet. Next, there is always a kid standing nearby with a giant head placed over their regular sized head (yep, just a giant head made from newspaper and painted). And finally there are the kids with the drums. They bang their drums around town (signaling to everyone within earshot or a 10 mile radius that the giant tall thing is approaching. What next? Nothing, that’s it, the kids march it around town! But the scary thing is I now can recognize the distinct sound of the “Giant Tall thing” march…I can in fact discern the sound from just normal drumming or various marching band drumming. It is music to my ears.

These are nacatamales (chicken or pork mixed in corn stew)

A few weeks ago I was dog sitting, and decided to take the dog for a walk. I put Clavo, the dog, on a leash and prepared to venture outside. Clavo is a very popular attraction in my town (perhaps because he is a novelty…a dog not roaming free… and a dog that likes to give big kisses, without trying to bite or bark). So there I was, walking through the streets with Clavo, people yelling his naming (and totally disregarding me!!) …he’s like a celebrity. About 5 minutes into the walk I came across some local kids and they were looking at me and then at the dog, then back at me, and at the dog (this awkwardness continued for several minutes until I finally asked them “What was up?”). Apparently, they thought Clavo had died (not sure why or how) and that he had been brought back to life…miraculously. In other words the kids thought they were staring at a ghost-dog. I tried to explain that Clavo had never died, but they couldn’t be convinced otherwise. Finally, I gave up and decided to let them believe whatever they wanted to believe!

My trip back to the USA (and more specifically, Colorado) was fun but short. It was nice to have regularly running water and lights (although now that I am without these modern conveniences again, it’s not that bad). While in Colorado, I found myself missing: the sound of the roosters in the morning (and come to think of it, all throughout the day because they just never stop squawking), the sounds of my neighbors yelling my name, “Brik/Bris” (well, it’s not exactly my name, but close enough, right?) and the warm tropical climate of Nicaragua. The most exciting thing I did during my trip back home was EAT! But it’s good to be back in my little town, in my tiny house, surrounded by all the creepy crawly things that keep me on my toes.

Acclimating back into life in Nicaragua, after spending 16 days with my family and friends during the holiday season, was interesting. I was yelled at (cat-calling) by two guys in the airport parking lot and then 10 minutes later I had a man ask me to be his girlfriend (yep that’s right…he didn’t even know my first name but apparently it was love at first sight and we were meant to be together). So, of course I accepted and now I am dating someone I know nothing about, so far I think our relationship is off to a good start, I know absolutely nothing about him and he knows absolutely nothing about me, ignorance is bliss. Now back to reality, I have not completely lost my mind…so no worries, I am not dating a random guy I just met. But that run-in did remind me to put my guard back on…because in my delusional state I forgot that I have a boyfriend already (yep, my imaginary boyfriend). However, I have noticed that sometimes the mention of a boyfriend just makes guys more willing to fight for my love, so I think I am going to say I’m either engaged or married.

As I got onto the big yellow school bus I was immediately snapped back into reality. Crowded seats and vendors selling jugo(juice), dulce (candy) and anything and everything else! About half way through my bus ride I was rudely awakened from my catnap by a bunch of tomatoes falling onto my head. In my daze, I was confused at first, and mistook the tomatoes for apples, but once I came to I realized that they were in fact red tomatoes…that had rolled out of their bag, which was conveniently placed directly over my head in the baggage rack. They hit the top of my head (bop, there goes tomato 1, bop, and tomato 2…bop, bop, bop add 3 more to the mix) and then I was forced to collect them and re-bag them for their owner. Following the tomato incident, the two women sitting in front of me were hit in the face by a mystery liquid dripping out of another produce bag. I am just lucky that the tomatoes that hit me weren’t very ripe. However, the women in front of me were not very lucky, and not too happy either, the owner of all the produce had to gather their numerous bags and put them of their lap for the remainder of the bus ride.

This is the virgin guadalupe

I felt the excitement brewing as the bus slowly approached my town, and as I peered out my window I saw people carrying buckets filled with water, which could only mean one thing…the water in my town was out. And therefore I arrived home to find my house a complete dusty disaster (from being left 16 days without cleaning) and there I was, standing in the doorway knowing that there was no water to use to clean my house. I found several dead rats, which I swept out the front door. And for dinner I ate tuna in a can, so I wouldn’t dirty any dishes. Now I am sitting in the semi-dark, the room being illuminated by a single flashlight, but tomorrow is another day (thanks Scarlet) and hopefully it will bring with it water!