Sunday, May 9, 2010

WWCND? (What Would Chuck Norris Do?)

A near bust, leads me to reconsider the actual benefits of protein powder and nunchucks…

Now that I’m back stateside it seems like my life has slipped back into that oh too familiar monotony. This of course makes it difficult to blog because I feel that I lack the inspiration that was provided to me so freely in Nicaragua, where everything was new and interesting. However, just the other day a friend of mine supplied me with the ultimate story, which made me reconsider my previous statement about monotony. This story is true, sadly, and none of the facts have been changed or altered except for the name of my friend, which has been changed to protect them from further mockery.

It began yesterday night, when my friend “Glen” decided to take a drive downtown. Glen was doing a good deed and dropping off a friend at their house after the friend had consumed a few too many. Somewhere along the way a police vehicle spotted Glen’s car, and noticed that one of the front lights was out. Therefore, the cop proceeded to pull them over for some quick questioning. The officer asked the standard “show me your license and vehicle registration” and then asked if there were any weapons in the vehicle. At this point, Glen was a little shaken from being pulled over and also surprised by the second question that the officer asked. “Who do they think I am, why would I have weapons?” thought Glen and quickly responded “no of course not.”

Well, something must have looked suspicious, and the officer kindly requested that Glen pop open the trunk, which is where the trouble all began.

The first thing the officer noticed and pulled out of the trunk were a pair of nunchucks. “No weapons you said, well then what are these?” the officer stated accusingly, clearly displaying the nunchucks in front of Glen. Well, last Halloween Glen went as a Ninja. So the nunchucks were left over from the costume and conveniently forgotten in the trunk of the car. Glen stated, “Sir they are nunchucks.” The officer responded, “Well, yes I can see these are nunchucks, but what are they doing in your car.” What Glen should have told the officer was:

A)“I’m a black belt in Karate, and can chop through 5 bricks at a time”
B)“I was trying to emulate my hero Chuck Norris (Insert bad Chuck Norris joke here)”
C)“Look officer, I can’t fit them anywhere else”
D)“Watch out behind you…ninjas!!”

Instead, Glen provided the officer with the boring truth, and told him that the nunchucks were left over from Halloween.

Now, a few weeks ago, Glen suggested that we buy some protein powder together from GNC. Well, time went by and GNC finally had a big sale so we both purchased a 5 lb tub of whey protein powder. Of course, Glen decided to throw his GNC powder in his trunk to the left of the nunchucks.

Now back to that trunk. The cop looked inside the trunk again and now noticed (and who wouldn’t) the 5 lb tub. However, the police officer had no idea that it was from GNC because Glen had ripped off the protein powder’s label by accident. So the officer opened up the tub to find 5 lbs of mystery white powder (that also happened to smell like cookies and cream). “Is this cocaine?” “Are you dealing cocaine” the officer sternly asked. “No, no, no it’s my whey powder.” “What?” “It’s from GNC it has protein, I am trying to get abs.” Well, the officer looks at my friend, looks and the powder, and then starts to drill my friend some more (obviously Glen didn’t appear to be buff enough to be consuming protein powder on a regular basis).

Let the questioning begin:
Officer: Well how many calories per serving does it contain?
Glen: I’m not sure maybe around 100
Officer: How do you not know, and why isn’t there a label on this?
Glen: It came off by accident I have the label at home, it’s protein powder
Officer: Well what brand is it?
Glen: It’s GNC brand
Officer: Well what brand is that?
Glen: I told you it’s GNC brand
Officer: Well tell me what brand!
Glen: I told you it’s the generic brand
Officer: Well it has to have a name…

The questioning continued along those lines for another several minutes until the officer spotted yet another item in the trunk. What could that item be? Another set of nunchucks, not likely. Perhaps, a Chuck Norris doll? Nope, that was at home in a glass display case labeled, “My Hero.” Or maybe some more muscle building stuff, no way. It was just a lil’ole apple pie!

The officer looked in the trunk again and proceeded to pull out an old McDonalds bag with an apple pie left inside of it. “Do you eat these,” he questioned Glen. “Because, you know, this is very counterproductive to muscle building.” Glen responded, “Well, yeah, but they’re 2 for a $1 and I like apple pie.” By this point Glen was clearly shaken, and afraid of being thrown in jail for life due to a 5 lb cookie and cream bust. Finally, the officer believed my friend, and the story ends rather un-climatically. He simply lets them off with this warning, “You should really stop eating those pies, if you want to stay healthy; those things are really bad for you.” As Glen shakily replied, “Ok I will.”


pennywise said...

LMFAO, at least with 5 pounds you won't need to make another trip =) Personally, I hate cops. The VPD to be specific.

Just said...

Oh no! Poor guy! That is hilarious though :-)

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jenn said...

I am with Pennywise .. LMFAO poor Glen!! I too am not a fan of the po po..


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Silly Girl said...

That was so funny. I'm sorry about his troubles but it was funny.